CREATE TABLE php_functions (id char(32), code mediumblob); mysql> INSERT INTO php_functions VALUES ('preg_replace','return preg_replace($argv[1],$argv[2],$argv[3]);'); ]]> SELECT PHP(code,'/[^a-zA-Z]/','*',dish) FROM php_functions,dinner WHERE php_functions.id = 'preg_replace'; +----------------------------------+ | PHP(code,'/[^a-zA-Z]/','*',dish) | +----------------------------------+ | Soup*Dumpling | | Salt*Baked*Shrimp | | Steamed*Whole*Fish | +----------------------------------+]]>